Dan Feyer Jokes
by Trip Payne on Monday, March 21, 2011 at 1:00pm
The world has Chuck Norris jokes. The Scrabble community has Dave Wiegand jokes. The time has clearly come for Dan Feyer jokes.
I'll start us off:
* Dan Feyer is not concerned with the full-minute controversy. Dan Feyer does not understand using a full minute to solve a puzzle.
* When Will Shortz says "On your marks, get set, GO!", Dan Feyer gets up and goes, because he's done.
* Dan Feyer once broke a pencil point halfway through a Sunday puzzle, but finished before it hit the table.
I know y'all can do much better. Prove it in the comments.
Katherine Bryant: Dan Feyer doesn't need pencils. When the puzzle sees him coming, the answers jump into the boxes in fear.
Eric LeVasseur: Dan Feyer can print a solution grid faster than a laser printer.
Stella Daily Zawistowski: If the ballroom's getting too warm for you, just plunk yourself down next to Dan Feyer. You'll get a cool breeze from his pencil moving. (Of course, said cool breeze will only last you for the first two minutes of your own solving time.)
John Chaneski: Or, alternatively, if you're too cold, the friction from Dan's pencil and paper will soon start a nice, comfy fire.
Stella Daily Zawistowski: Pshaaaa, "bi-winning." Dan was first in the room, or tied for first in the room, on 7 of the 8 tournament puzzles, which makes him hepta-winning.
Stella Daily Zawistowski: And he has cheetah blood and Hermes DNA.
John Chaneski: I once had an idea for a crossword but I decided not to construct it because Dan Feyer had already solved it.
John Chaneski: Dan Feyer once had 2 mistakes on a crossword and they were both correct.
John Chaneski: Okay, last one: Dan Feyer hasn't used an eraser since 1978, and that was to prop up a wobbly kitchen table.
Brendan Emmett Quigley: Chaneski: you are killing this. Don't stop.
Katherine Bryant: From a friend of mine who isn't even a crossword guy: Dan Feyer once threw a roundhouse kick at a blank crossword puzzle, and the puzzle went through three walls and hit the ground solved.
Foggy Brume: IBM considered calling its Jeopardy computer "FEYER" but didn't want to insult Dan Feyer.
Foggy Brume: Dan Feyer once dropped a book of crosswords and solved 3 before it hit the ground.
Eric Berlin: Dan Feyer... uh... solves crosswords real fast. (I'm still quite tired from the weekend.)
Robert Hutchinson: Dan Feyer uses ZERO-stroke Es. No one knows how.
Andrew Marc Greene: Dan Feyer solves without looking at the "Across" clues... or the consonants in the "Down" clues.
Bob M. Petitto: ACPT judges were stymied by Dan's performance. The software couldn't score negative minutes!
Andrew Marc Greene: For his answers to be legible, Dan Feyer's handwriting has to compensate for relativistic shrinkage of the grid in the direction that he's writing.
Dan Chall: Dan Feyer will finish next year's final's puzzle before the second place contestant begins. He'll solve it as a diagramless because the grid won't be set up yet.
Kevin West: A pencil company is considreing changing its name so they can cross-brand with Dan. It will be called Eberhard-Feyer. They will not make #2 pencils anymore. Only #1.
Stella Daily Zawistowski: Webster's is currently updating its American Idioms Handbook to reflect the correct spelling of a popular phrase. Someone who is doing extremely well is now "on Feyer."
Judy Cole: When Dan Feyer was announced as the solver, Puzzle 5 booed.
David A. Mackey: Dan solved Puzzle #1 before he turned the paper over.
David A. Mackey: "BURN THE GRID: The Dan Feyer Story"
Joon Pahk: To dan feyer, the expression "a month of sundays" means "about five minutes."
Kevin West: NYT ad, circa March, 2020: Ten Years in the Making! Come see the story of the Unprecedented and Undefeated ACPT Champion in the new movie: Chariots of Feyer! To be premiered at the most recent venue of ACPT and home of
Howard Barkin: Dan does not solve - he just knows. He also knows where you left your car keys, the location of your one missing sock, and what you did last summer.
Ben Bass: When Dan Feyer clears his throat, nearby puzzles get all self-conscious and reveal their answers in shame.
Eric LeVasseur: Dan Feyer has already won the 2012 ACPT.
Dan Feyer: Thanks, everyone... I think Judy wins, with Joon and Andrew's physics joke that I don't really understand close behind. Will copy/paste and send to my mother, who almost certainly does not know who Chuck Norris is.