October 3rd, 2011

530nm330Hz

A sad evening

Tonight and tomorrow are my paternal grandfather's yahrzeit. My paternal grandmother's yahrzeit fell during my father's shiva. So tonight has been extra hard; saying le-eilah le-eilah during kaddish at arvit really hit home, as tonight I felt like I was saying kadish le-iluiy two neshamas.

[Gloss: During the Ten days we repeat the word le-eilah, "ascending above", in the phrase "God's praise should ascend above all blessings and songs that are said in this world."; and kaddish is often referred to as "le-iluiy neshama", to raise up the soul of the departed.]

I also realized tonight that Yom Kippur will mark the 100th day of saying kaddish for my father. Not that 100 days really means anything; on the second day of Rosh Hashanah when it was 13 complete weeks; 1/4 year; 1 season --- that felt like a significant day. 100 days is an accident of us having ten fingers. But still.... I don't know if 100 days is a lot or a little.